Hello everyone! I know I've been a bit scarce lately and I feel terrible about it. Especially since I have SO MANY books to review. Like almost 50... *cringes* But I wanted to let you know that I am in fact alive and kicking over here. I also wanted to let you know that I can't promise I'll be posting more frequently.
I mentioned in a previous post that I've been waiting to hear back from a job at the place I work at now, plus I'm trying to get people to read my book. In fact, I recently contacted one of my book friends who's also a writer, and asked her if she wanted to be a critique partner. It's surprisingly difficult to find someone that will read your book in its entirety in a short amount of time. But I want to do this one right, unlike my last one where no one read it and I got many rejections for it.
Here's the truth: I'm so ready to be an author. So much so that, sometimes, it pains me to go to some of the amazing author events that I attend. I'm so proud of all the Young Adult authors that have had books sold and published, but they're living my dream, and it hurts to watch them. I've even made up answers to questions that people ask on panels, which definitely isn't normal. But I can't help imagining my life as a writer and wishing it were already a reality.
I've never really admitted that to anyone before; there's something about having a blog (despite the fact that I'm not exactly anonymous) that I feel like I can tell you, these mostly-random people that I will probably never meet, about my woes. And I feel terrible about feeling terrible, if that makes sense. I'm not jealous of other YA authors; I'm jealous of the future me that will be much more confident in her writing and ability to inspire people. Right now, my confidence in my writing is pretty shot, since it wasn't very high to begin with. A question that constantly plagues me is if I'll EVER become a published author, and even then, will anybody else appreciate what I've written. It's a crippling fear, but one I know I need to get over if I'm going to persevere.
Okay, enough heavy stuff.
In the meantime, I've been trying to read more. That's been an issue recently, though, for some reason. I've only read 19 books this year, which is 6 books behind my Goodreads goal. I've been in a total reading rut, and I think it's because I'm focusing on so many other things, like my book and getting a new job. After all the stress I face during the day, I just like to relax with my boyfriend and watch hours of Netflix. We started watching Firefly, which has been really fun and sad at the same time, since I know there's only one season and a movie. I've also been re-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and just watched the episode where Buffy and Angel do the do. And we all know what comes after that! When Angel (SPOILERS AHEAD!) left the series at the end of season 3, I stopped watching. It was when I was younger, and I thought Angel was the bee's knees. But then I started watching random episodes on television and realized that there is life after Angel, and I want to see it all in glorious chronological order.
I've also been watching Outlander, and that has it's own guilt attached. I still haven't finished the first book; as soon as I started watching the show, I stopped reading the book. I'm not proud of it, but Sam Heughan as Jamie is everything. EVERYTHING. The episode that aired last Saturday was so emotional; I cried for like two-thirds of the episode. Just sobbed.And when Jamie shed a tear at the end of the episode, I frickin' lost it! Anyway, Jamie-fangirling is over...for now.
One last recent nerd thing that I want to mention is that the new Star Wars trailer came out, and it's AMAZING! I'm nerding so hard for this movie right now.
Anyway, I hope this post wasn't too serious for you. Once everything comes to pass, I hope to be posting more, but I have no idea how long that's going to be for. Meanwhile, I hope that you continue to follow the blog, but if not, I understand. Stay strong, my loves!